God I hate this! =/

Well... as the title said... I hate where I am right now!

I don't mean location... I dont like my current location that much, i'd prefer to be down south in a little town called Yateley, but yea. My problem isnt to do with location! My problem is what the fuck im gonna do with my life within the next year or so! I've already said about uni, and how I dont wanna be here, but need to be blah blah blah, but new complications have arose! Problem 1. I don't love the course i'm doing, it's put me off Interior Architecture and Design in fact! But then, problem 2 shows up. I've been thinking that with my A-Level grades (CDDD) im not gonna be able to get a very good job if I do drop out of uni and go into work. How many people have a decent wage packet with my kind of grades? =/ I need this degree to be able to get good money! But I feel without it, i'll end up with a shit house, HUGE morgage and struggling to pay bills! =/

Ohh.... and I still havn't told my parents all this crap! Im such a wimp!

Oh well, lots of things coming up in Febuary, so hopefully that will take my mind of things! 1stly, weekend with friends, I'll miss them LOADS when they've all left again, but hey! Then football in Norwich, will be nice to see Reading play again, weekend at my cousins to maybe, and staying there is always a ball :), then there's also possibly a bursary coming in, so thats £250 hopefully :) New shoes and RFC shirt with Daws 2 on the back :D Then in march, more football, this time in Ipswich, and my cousin and her boyfriend said they'd some and visit at somepoint so that will be fun, and mum said she's visit me too at somepoint! So you know, look at the positives and what not, but its hard to do that when the negatives are SO FUCKING BIG! =/

All in all, im thankful that hardly anyone reads this cos then i'd have to talk to more people about it, and im struggling to even talk to the people that already know about it! =/

Decisions....

So right now I'm stuck in a rather huge pickle! If a company wanted to jar this pickle and sell it, they couldn't, it's to big! Darn big pickle!

Anyway, the pickle i'm in concernes me... and my place at univercity! In all honesty, I dont really wanna be here, i'd rather be at home, I just dont feel at home here, i've never settled in fully, and frankly, its just not for me! But the problem surfaces because I need to be here cos of the kinda job I want to do, if I want to go on and design buildings, then I need a uni degree! =/ I dont want to be here, but I need to be! Even though I dont actually enjoy it all that much, and it isn't 100% what I thought it would be, I still need to be here cos of the fecking job I want to do! Dont get me wrong though, the course is alright, after all, its what I need to be doing to go down the career path I want to travel down, but whats the point if I dont like anything else about being here? =/

What also makes me not want to be here is all the things I miss that I had at home, the great friends, my tv, gas oven, looking out my window to see gardens and not a plain white wall with several other windows in, wireless internet, the Wii, a nice cheap pub, friedns, more friends, and a nice healthy diet that didnt include having chicken goujons and chips 5 days a week! I have tried to kick the chicken habbit, so far I've had it twice in 8 days, but its the cheapes thing to buy, and its easy to cook, so I see myself returning to that soon! As for friends, people here just arnt my type, seems to me that there's either drunkard that only go out to get pissed, or people that stay in and watch films and have a chat. Noone is like me, and likes to be in the middle (drinking at home and watching films with friends). And my friends are what basically define me, without them, im not me!

Little winge over, time to get some sleep! ... maybe.

Why...

Why does it feel like i've just been rejected?
Why have I been feeling so shit almost every day of the week?
Why the fuck does it happen to me?
Why do I get myself into these things?
Why can't she just say she doesnt like me, instead of just letting me think she does?
Why did she have to tell me that?
Why cant I be like all other guys?
What do they have that I dont?
Why cant I just ask a girl out?
Why am I such a wimp?
Why cant I be confident?
Why do I always expect the worse?

...whats the hell is wrong with me?

....why am I just utterly crap!?!

Comparisons

Right, well i've nearly been at uni now for 2 weeks.. and there have been MANY up's and down's! And I think that the downs out number the ups. So im gonna see if this is true...

Right, to start off. the positives!

• Meet some new people
• No limit on when I can be on the internet
• Free reign to eat what ever I like
• New area to explore
• Freedom to drink what I like
• Independance, i'm learning how to look after myself
• The other people on my course are nice
• Im not roomed with a dick

Now for the negatives...

• I'm not 100% sure the course is right for me
• I dont like being away from my vest friends
• Not really friends with that many people
• On several nights I havnt been able to get to sleep due to excess noise
• It's possibly hindering a relationship (not that it would happen anyway)
• I miss mum's cooking
• Over spending
• Location isnt exactly the best, tree's are far better than a wall look at
• Still dont feel at home
• nealry settled in, but there are still certain times where I've been majorly unsettles
• Going to be doing more work that at college, I thought there would be less work =/
• I miss going to the pub with 'the pub crew' upon a Thursday night
• Miles away from friends

So yea, thats it really! Uni = not fun, for the moment!

When the going gets tough...

... I think about going home!

Well, still not 100% that I wanna be here... I start properly in Monday, but I still get the feeling that it wont be what I was expecting! On the plus side, getting on with the roomies SLIGHTLY better, but they're still rather loud! :P But hopefully that noise will bugger off when everyone goes to lectures and decides that parting until 1:30am isn't a good thing! Go a welcome party to Athena Hall tonight, so I will be awake until about 1am again! Don't know if I want to go to it. Its only down a flight of stairs though, so its not like its 5 billion miles away! =/

Also, I've started to collect cans, of fiz :P 4 Tango and 1 Pepsi at the moment, making little towers in my window xD But if I look out I can see a whole coffee table with cans of Fosters on it! must be over 50 cans there! How someone can drink that much Fosters in 4 days I don't know! But good luck to them, bet your liver LOVES you!

In other news, I now have PVA glue and some sticky tape! xD Good times shopping, as I now also have boooooooze! Aint going shopping in Asda again though, its nice and cheap, but just MILES away. We had to grab a bus from the middle of town, took 15 mins to get to Asda from there, plus then there was the walk to town centre, and that was a a 10 minute walk! So we're just going to order online next time! Unless its only about 3 things we need, then I'm going down to 'lil Tesco! That's only 4 mins away after all! May be more expensive, but I'm not trekking all the way to Asda when there's a Tesco so close to me!

...I miss Yateley, the view I had... the silence... my friends! Just not the same here! Packing in is still a possibility! I just got to hang in for a tad longer. If I still don't like it, I may see it I can pack it in and come home! Still gotta pay the rent for the room, but I can do that!

Right, I'm either gonna go glue random shit down, or go and make din dins. Soup is on my menu tonight, just cos I cant be arsed to cook anything else! xD

See ya peeps!